Dealing with Insecurities
Lets take a look at how I manage to deal with my own insecurities, if there really is a one stop fix for dealing with them, and looking to the long term of how I hope I can deal with any future insecurities.
I feel like there is a common theme of ‘do what I say and not as I do’ because right from the outset, I can tell you that I do not deal with my own insecurities well at all. I can see what my flaws are and that I need to change some things about the way that I behave to have better control over them, but certainly, for right now, I’m no prime example. Taking a deep look at myself, although I can’t help and think that the condition has made my insecurities worse, I was never very secure in myself before being diagnosed.
‘Fake it until you make it’
Growing up and through school, to others, I probably came across as quite sure of myself. I will always think that in 90% of situations that anyone who is sure of themselves is actually probably rather insecure about themself. I know for certain this was the case for me. I used to act up and try really hard at pretending I was ok with who I was. In reality, I had a lot of issues. I never felt like I was the pick of the bunch when I looked around at my friends. It’s funny thinking about the way that I perceived things, it was almost like a comic book. There were the funny ones, the good lucking ones, the smart ones, the bad boys and I felt like I sat somewhere in the middle of all of them. Never really feeling like I belonged in any of the categories and yet trying to be like each of them in some way.
Fast forward a (good) few years and my attitude toward myself has definitely changed. Although with self-reflection, I probably still compare myself to other people, I’m relatively happy with who I am, all things considered. In my mind, the most important thing about being comfortable with who you are is to surround yourself with people who are only ever going to bring you up. That doesn’t mean that you expect everyone to constantly inflate your ego for you, but it is nice sometimes to just hear you are doing a good job. This is definitely a point in my life that I can look to and pinpoint that this happened for me and that is when I got with Sharn. She constantly picks me up and I will be forever grateful for that. She truly makes me feel like no matter how many people are in a room, no matter who those people are, I am the only thing in that room that really matters.
The second most important thing is, and I know you’ve probably heard it a thousand times, spending less time on social media. Social media is such an impactful tool, something that can help you keep in touch with family and friends, and check in on lots of people without having to spend a lot of time speaking to them individually. However, it is also, without doubt, one of the greatest challenges that the younger generations will have to deal with whilst keeping a check on their own mental health. I can’t begin to stress enough how negative it is. I find myself spending increasingly less time on there. You only see the positive snippets of people’s life. The images and stories you do see are filtered beyond belief. I’m not just talking visually so, but the content of posts too, someone saying how happy they are, they’ve had the best day ever, etc, etc, etc. What I can almost guarantee, is that someone who has posted such a status had an argument in the car on their way out of the house, or even 5 minutes before the amazing selfie was taken.
The other really toxic thing about it is how it just reinforces your self-doubts. This is sold to us by the way of personalised adverts, ‘only see items relevant to you’. Now, this can be great, no ads are great, but something completely meaningless to you is even worse. However, if you find yourself wanting to shed a few pounds, then suddenly you start seeing adverts for diet pills, gyms, or any other kind of fad that’s going on at that moment in time. Let’s say you wish you had whiter teeth, so you look up some teeth-whitening ideas. Then every single moment you go on social media, you are confronted with products to ‘fix’ the issue. All this does is compound the insecurities about yourself until you have no choice but to believe the ridiculous thing you told yourself is now true. To the point that no matter what anyone else tells you, you’ll believe something that’s only trying to make you spend your hard earnt cash.
This promptly brings me to my final point. Self-affirmations and self-improvement. Now as much as I lean on Sharn a lot for my own securities, the truth is, there’s only one way to fix it. Stand there and look at yourself in the mirror each day. Tell yourself what you love about yourself and what you want to change. It’ll take some time, and it’ll feel weird at first, but slowly you’ll begin to realise that there are lots about yourself you do love. Some things you can’t control (just deal with them). Some things you can, and those you need to do something about. The book starts and stops with you. Some things you want to change may take days, weeks, or months, but confronting them each day, keeps them at the forefront of your mind. Don’t punish yourself if you go off track, the next day, look at yourself again, picture the end goal, and make your way on your own path. I bet so many clichés have come to your mind reading that, but most of the time they are true. Not so simple to achieve as a neat little phrase, but equally as true.
I hope by taking the time out to read this, you realise that everyone has their own insecurities. That you are not alone, life isn’t perfect and you’ll get there in the end. Be kind to each other, you never really know what is going on in someone else’s life. Don’t be afraid to talk and ask for help. Focus on your own life and those who you affect around you. If nothing else…
Be Kind.
Love,
Jonno.
